Thursday, July 15, 2010
BP Spill Capped
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Wipe That Smile Off Your Face
By most accounts, I am a happy person. I enjoy spending time with my friends, a good joke, and perhaps even a drink on occasion
However, with great happiness comes even greater irritation.
I don’t mean irritating like when your roommate blocks your car in the parking lot when you have a class to get to, or irritating like when you realize you need milk, but used all of it the night before when you mixed it with the Bailey’s you found in the fridge, and cried yourself to sleep. No, I speak of something far more evil and sinister; I’m talking about people who are so outwardly happy that they make your skin crawl and your blood boil.
You know the kind of person I am talking about here. These are the kinds of people that think it is alright to rub in your face, unprovoked, how incredibly satisfied they are with the way their lives are shaping up. When you ask them why they are so exuberant, everything is either “amazing”, “the best”, or simply “incredible”. If only I had a nickel for every time these people resort to hyperbole. Their responses are always accompanied by a nauseating giggle that pisses me off only slightly more than watching Entourage. For those of you who don’t know me, Entourage is the television equivalent in my life of sawing your toenails out with a string of dental floss…and I don’t mean the mint-flavoured one either.
I know exactly what you’re thinking.
You’re probably sitting there saying to yourself, “holy shit this guy is an angry asshole”. I can see why such thoughts have crept into your consciousness. While this article may come off as a little angry, I assure you that your thoughts could not be further from the truth. However, when you show up to class hung-over on a Friday morning, I challenge you not to resent the overly-optimistic and cheery bastard two rows in front of you who does not shut up, not even to breathe, about the amazing time they had walking through Victoria Park the evening before and watching the sunset. Now, that’s not to say that I don’t enjoy a good sunset from time to time, but I (along with the most of humanity) at least have the courtesy not to drone on about it like it’s the f**king Messiah. Newsflash! There’s a sunset every evening.
In closing, I would like to offer some advice to my loyal readers. It’s perfectly acceptable to be visibly happy when something good happens in your life. But by definition, good cannot exist without its negative counterpart, which for lack of a better word, I will call “bad”. When one half the equation is missing, the result is utter annoyance. Please make sure to keep your happiness in check; some of us don’t want to lose our breakfast.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Correction
Among other things, this once again reinforces the notion that I am human and fallible.
My previous entry explained my lack of trust of hand sanitizers. for the reason that they do not kill viruses. It turns out that I was only partially correct. Hand sanitizers inactivate (not kill, as most current research suggests viruses are not alive) non-enveloped viruses, and have little to no effect on enveloped viruses. sadly (or not sadly), the flu is an enveloped virus.
However, hand sanitizer does kill many of the bacteria that help our own bodies defend against other bacteria, and is no substitute for good old soap and water.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Sanitize This
But hey, that shouldn't be a problem for you now should it? I mean you basically bought all the Purrell you could stuff in your trunk, and snatched a few from an old lady on the way out. Dumb ***** was asking for it.
Think again.
The vast majority of hand sanitizers, if not all of them, are antibacterial. This means that for many illnesses that are caused by bacteria, this sh*t works great. Newsflash: The flu is a virus, not a bacteria. Viruses are not even considered by most scientists to be living, as they lack the cellular machinery to replicate without the assistance of a host. These sanitizers will not protect you from the flu any more than Cold FX fights Syphilis. Your best line of defense? Real handwashing that involves H-core scrubbing, avoid touching your face, and staying away from sick people.
Please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Reality TV Can Suck It...For Real
But let's take it back a step. Television was designed from the outset as an outlet for two things: news (reality) and the fictional crap. You know, the stuff that turns your brain into a strawberry neuron milkshake. People flocked to these fictional programs for one reason: to escape the realities of their Soviet-nuclear-holocaust-fearing lives, and float into the world of Ed Sullivan, Jack Benny, and the Three Stooges. Why would anyone want to watch reality, when they have reality all around them? Beats me.
The second point is how can this stuff even be considered reality? If a team of camera operators and make up artists were following you and your family around 24 hours a day, how can it possibly not alter how you behave? The answer is quite simple: It does alter your behaviour. It's not reality at all. Not one f**king bit. I don't begrudge those who think it's real; I pity them.
There are so many things going on in the world today that society should be taking an interest in other than Jon and Kate's crumbling marriage: Iran's nuclear ambitions, North Korea, and American health care reform, among other things. Our obsession with celebrity culture has made us a bunch of ignorant, knowledge-less, zombies.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
OMFG I Just Came.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to combine the two best things in the world? I know! So have I! Now McDonalds in Japan has done just that. They have combined,--get ready for it-- a Big Mac, and a Bacon n' egg McMuffin. If that doesn't get your heart beating (or struggling) i don't know what will.
I got it from: http://www.mcdonalds.co.jp/sales/new/mega_tamago/#