BP Spill Capped

So the mighty spill has been capped. Fuck you, mother nature we did it! Triumph over your gushing underwater orgasm of sweet, sweet, oil. Oh wait a sec.

Almost 90 days after what is without a doubt the single largest, most devastating environmental disaster to hit the United States since the big bang (which wreaked havoc on my antique tea set goshdarnit), BP has managed to capture all of the crude oil spewing from the underwater pipes left behind by the Deepwater Horizon rig. While this is a mighty victory in its own respect, 3 months of liquified dinosaur spread around the Gulf is hardly something we can so easily forget when the public becomes more interested in other things; things like iPhones and Lindsay Lohan's pre- and post-jail interviews.

As the world now faces what will be the biggest clean-up effort in history, one which may never completely succeed, it is important to think about where we go from here. As long as we depend on fossil fuels to power our lives, we can never truly make sure that this type of catastrophe never happens again. People complain about the safety of off-shore drilling, but when drilling on land in sensitive areas is brought up, environmentalists are up in arms....as they drive their fuel-powered cars to the next protest. Let's be clear here. I'm not bashing cars. I think the automobile is a wondrous invention. Hell one day it might even replace horses. And movies will talk! That'll be the day. I seem to have lost my train of thought. Oh here it is.....

......Ahem.....

We cannot have it both ways; there are always inherent risks with drilling for oil any way you slice it, and the answer lies in seeking out renewable sources of power, and transitioning our indulgent, and ultimately self-defeating way of life to adapt. Cars like the Chevrolet Volt and Nissan Leaf are some of the first steps, as are wind turbines that are cropping up all over the continent. It is up to all of us to make a difference, and learn from this tragedy.

I sincerely hope there is more to come.

Once again the world shows its hypocrisy towards Israel. Click here to see Israeli PM Netanyahu's response

Wipe That Smile Off Your Face

By most accounts, I am a happy person. I enjoy spending time with my friends, a good joke, and perhaps even a drink on occasion . Yes, life is wonderful, and in general I think everyone deserves the right to be happy, and to display that happiness to the world.

However, with great happiness comes even greater irritation.

I don’t mean irritating like when your roommate blocks your car in the parking lot when you have a class to get to, or irritating like when you realize you need milk, but used all of it the night before when you mixed it with the Bailey’s you found in the fridge, and cried yourself to sleep. No, I speak of something far more evil and sinister; I’m talking about people who are so outwardly happy that they make your skin crawl and your blood boil.

You know the kind of person I am talking about here. These are the kinds of people that think it is alright to rub in your face, unprovoked, how incredibly satisfied they are with the way their lives are shaping up. When you ask them why they are so exuberant, everything is either “amazing”, “the best”, or simply “incredible”. If only I had a nickel for every time these people resort to hyperbole. Their responses are always accompanied by a nauseating giggle that pisses me off only slightly more than watching Entourage. For those of you who don’t know me, Entourage is the television equivalent in my life of sawing your toenails out with a string of dental floss…and I don’t mean the mint-flavoured one either.

I know exactly what you’re thinking.

You’re probably sitting there saying to yourself, “holy shit this guy is an angry asshole”. I can see why such thoughts have crept into your consciousness. While this article may come off as a little angry, I assure you that your thoughts could not be further from the truth. However, when you show up to class hung-over on a Friday morning, I challenge you not to resent the overly-optimistic and cheery bastard two rows in front of you who does not shut up, not even to breathe, about the amazing time they had walking through Victoria Park the evening before and watching the sunset. Now, that’s not to say that I don’t enjoy a good sunset from time to time, but I (along with the most of humanity) at least have the courtesy not to drone on about it like it’s the f**king Messiah. Newsflash! There’s a sunset every evening.

In closing, I would like to offer some advice to my loyal readers. It’s perfectly acceptable to be visibly happy when something good happens in your life. But by definition, good cannot exist without its negative counterpart, which for lack of a better word, I will call “bad”. When one half the equation is missing, the result is utter annoyance. Please make sure to keep your happiness in check; some of us don’t want to lose our breakfast.