I have never understood modern popular culture's obsession with so-called reality television. Then again, I have never really cared much about celebrities lives' or who Jude Law happens to be screwing this particular week. But reality television in particular is something, no matter how much I try, that I just can't seem to get my head around.
But let's take it back a step. Television was designed from the outset as an outlet for two things: news (reality) and the fictional crap. You know, the stuff that turns your brain into a strawberry neuron milkshake. People flocked to these fictional programs for one reason: to escape the realities of their Soviet-nuclear-holocaust-fearing lives, and float into the world of Ed Sullivan, Jack Benny, and the Three Stooges. Why would anyone want to watch reality, when they have reality all around them? Beats me.
The second point is how can this stuff even be considered reality? If a team of camera operators and make up artists were following you and your family around 24 hours a day, how can it possibly not alter how you behave? The answer is quite simple: It does alter your behaviour. It's not reality at all. Not one f**king bit. I don't begrudge those who think it's real; I pity them.
There are so many things going on in the world today that society should be taking an interest in other than Jon and Kate's crumbling marriage: Iran's nuclear ambitions, North Korea, and American health care reform, among other things. Our obsession with celebrity culture has made us a bunch of ignorant, knowledge-less, zombies.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
OMFG I Just Came.
Publish Post
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to combine the two best things in the world? I know! So have I! Now McDonalds in Japan has done just that. They have combined,--get ready for it-- a Big Mac, and a Bacon n' egg McMuffin. If that doesn't get your heart beating (or struggling) i don't know what will.
I got it from: http://www.mcdonalds.co.jp/sales/new/mega_tamago/#
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Display Photo Vanity
Maybe I should try this one with more of a shadow on the left side of my f--oh hey, I didn't see you come in. What was I doing? Oh nothing important. Just spending a few hours crafting the best facebook display picture ever! No, I'm not a loser I swear. I just look better under certain lighting conditions. Godammit! What did I tell you about incandescant bulbs!? F**king amateurs.
Facebook and other such social networking internet applications have revolutionized the way a generation connects with family and friends. These sites have single-handedly changed the way people use the internet. But how do you put your best foot forward to the world, or more specifically to the four friends who will actually visit your profile in a given month? How about updating your favourite books to reflect your newfound appreciation for enlightenment-era literature? F**k no. It's time to fix that dated display picture. God! Two weeks with the same picture? This isn't the f**king stone age! But seriously, don't call me vain. Call me honest.
People, beleive it or not, actually spend great amounts of time preparing and selecting a photograph to represent them. The picture of you making out with that fat chick on your birthday's gotta go. But how do you know which picture to use? Let's go through some simple steps that will gurantee success** or your money back.
** success = at least two "likes" and a comment. F**k yeah.
STEP 1: Move over Sepia, there's a new sheriff in town. Use black and white whenever possible. Black and white photography will make your picture look classy, highlight contrasts and emphasize what little, pathetic muscle you have. So the next time you're in synagogue, Hailey from camp will be checkin' you out from the third row.
STEP 2: Do not face the camera directly. Stare into the distance at an angle of 45 degrees, looking as introspective as you can, and for the love of God, don't smile. This, in conjunction with STEP 1 will bring out your cheekbones, and maybe even hide that double chin you've developed in the fifteen years since you discovered Micky Dees. Those f**king fries are so good....
STEP 3: Adjust lighting to the desired effect. If you thought robbing your mother's make-up bag was the only way to hide pimples (and dress up like miley) think again. A good lighting job can cover up even the most puss-filled whiteheads you can dream up. Anyone else hungry? French fry time!...nom nom nom. Try a combination of both natural light from windows and the fake stuff that Edison keeps raggin' on about. Jeez it's not like he invented the f**king wheel.
When you're done, just upload and play the waiting game. That little f**king red flag with the number oughta come up any minute now...come on...come on...
Thanks for reading.
Facebook and other such social networking internet applications have revolutionized the way a generation connects with family and friends. These sites have single-handedly changed the way people use the internet. But how do you put your best foot forward to the world, or more specifically to the four friends who will actually visit your profile in a given month? How about updating your favourite books to reflect your newfound appreciation for enlightenment-era literature? F**k no. It's time to fix that dated display picture. God! Two weeks with the same picture? This isn't the f**king stone age! But seriously, don't call me vain. Call me honest.
People, beleive it or not, actually spend great amounts of time preparing and selecting a photograph to represent them. The picture of you making out with that fat chick on your birthday's gotta go. But how do you know which picture to use? Let's go through some simple steps that will gurantee success** or your money back.
** success = at least two "likes" and a comment. F**k yeah.
STEP 1: Move over Sepia, there's a new sheriff in town. Use black and white whenever possible. Black and white photography will make your picture look classy, highlight contrasts and emphasize what little, pathetic muscle you have. So the next time you're in synagogue, Hailey from camp will be checkin' you out from the third row.
STEP 2: Do not face the camera directly. Stare into the distance at an angle of 45 degrees, looking as introspective as you can, and for the love of God, don't smile. This, in conjunction with STEP 1 will bring out your cheekbones, and maybe even hide that double chin you've developed in the fifteen years since you discovered Micky Dees. Those f**king fries are so good....
STEP 3: Adjust lighting to the desired effect. If you thought robbing your mother's make-up bag was the only way to hide pimples (and dress up like miley) think again. A good lighting job can cover up even the most puss-filled whiteheads you can dream up. Anyone else hungry? French fry time!...nom nom nom. Try a combination of both natural light from windows and the fake stuff that Edison keeps raggin' on about. Jeez it's not like he invented the f**king wheel.
When you're done, just upload and play the waiting game. That little f**king red flag with the number oughta come up any minute now...come on...come on...
Thanks for reading.
What are [Facebook] Friends For?
"Hey man, guess who added me on facebook?"
"Who?"
"You know that hot girl who sits behind us in Psych?"
"Yeah of course! I haven't seen b***s like that since my subscription to Penthouse expired."
"What? No! We're facebook friends man! Talking? You crack me up sometimes. Pot?"
"Damn straight."
This type of conversation is not altogether that uncommon, but at its core it just seems so strange. Why do people add people as friends on facebook, a socializing website created to connect buddies who attended different universities, who aren't really their friends? I can't honestly say that I haven't done this in my own life, and I think it would be quite a stretch for you, the reader, to claim that you haven't engaged in similar practices in your own use of facebook.
I took a good hard look at my list of facebook friends the other day, and tried to figure out (approximately) what percentage of them are actually people that I talk to more than once a year for a meaningless happy birthday wall post. I thought to myself, how many of these people do I actually consider to be my friends. How many of these people are folks that I would trust? The result was disturbing to say the least. By my estimates I would say less than twenty percent of the people that I currently have as facebook friends are actually real friends at all. As for the other eighty percent, well, they're more like facebook filler, you know, to keep your news feed interesting. New photos at someone's cottage who I don't know! Sweet! Let the comments nobody cares about begin!
So the question remains, why do we do it? Why do we dilute our friends list with meaningless acquaintances, and live in some fantasy world where everyone is a 'great pal' of ours? Maybe, it's a way of making people feel more popular than they are. Didn't have that many friends growing up? No problem. Just add all those guys you met in the line at the bar. Maybe, its so you can stalk their pictures and find out just where they've been hiding. I don't think I'm qualified, nor insightful enough to provide an all-encompassing answer to this question, but its just something to think about.
Facebook is a great application for many reasons, keeping in touch with people you don't often see being one of them. Just don't forget the people who are important to you. What are those people called again? F**k, I almost forgot. Oh yeah! Friends.
"Who?"
"You know that hot girl who sits behind us in Psych?"
"Yeah of course! I haven't seen b***s like that since my subscription to Penthouse expired."
"What? No! We're facebook friends man! Talking? You crack me up sometimes. Pot?"
"Damn straight."
This type of conversation is not altogether that uncommon, but at its core it just seems so strange. Why do people add people as friends on facebook, a socializing website created to connect buddies who attended different universities, who aren't really their friends? I can't honestly say that I haven't done this in my own life, and I think it would be quite a stretch for you, the reader, to claim that you haven't engaged in similar practices in your own use of facebook.
I took a good hard look at my list of facebook friends the other day, and tried to figure out (approximately) what percentage of them are actually people that I talk to more than once a year for a meaningless happy birthday wall post. I thought to myself, how many of these people do I actually consider to be my friends. How many of these people are folks that I would trust? The result was disturbing to say the least. By my estimates I would say less than twenty percent of the people that I currently have as facebook friends are actually real friends at all. As for the other eighty percent, well, they're more like facebook filler, you know, to keep your news feed interesting. New photos at someone's cottage who I don't know! Sweet! Let the comments nobody cares about begin!
So the question remains, why do we do it? Why do we dilute our friends list with meaningless acquaintances, and live in some fantasy world where everyone is a 'great pal' of ours? Maybe, it's a way of making people feel more popular than they are. Didn't have that many friends growing up? No problem. Just add all those guys you met in the line at the bar. Maybe, its so you can stalk their pictures and find out just where they've been hiding
Facebook is a great application for many reasons, keeping in touch with people you don't often see being one of them. Just don't forget the people who are important to you. What are those people called again? F**k, I almost forgot. Oh yeah! Friends.
Monday, August 10, 2009
What Happens In Vegas...WTF?
I am ashamed to be a Torontonian. There, I said it.
About two months ago, for those of you who don't know, there was a civic workers' strike in the city. This walk-out effectively closed day-cares, swimming pools, and halted other city run services, including garbage collection. We could sit here all day and argue about the legitimacy (or lack thereof depending on your stance) of what the strikers wanted, but in the end there can really be no true consensus, just by the very nature of the negotiations; the unions wanted certain things that the city did not want to give them.
Sure, battles of rhetoric and childish name-calling are to be expected in these sorts of situations, but I can't help but feel a little disgusted by the extent to which these elements were used by our very own Mayor Miller (not that my expectations were that high to begin with, oh snap). To insult city councilors who disagreed with his push to ratify the deal with the workers, and hint that they are sub-standard councilors who lack any shred of human decency, and are undeserving of their positions is an appalling commentary on the state of how business is (likely) conducted by the city on a day to day basis. My five year old cousin can tell you he disagrees with you without insulting your dignity. Maybe he should be mayor. I'll tell you one thing, McDonald's happy meals would be a dietary requirement. Works for me...
Now we get to the fun stuff. Mark Ferguson.
This union leader, on top of rather conspicuously bragging about the deal that was struck with the city, made one particular comment that makes me want to scream. When several striking individuals got a little trigger-happy and slashed the tires of innocent people who were dropping their garbage off at temporary dump sites, all Mr. Ferguson had to say, with an arrogant smirk was "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."
What the f*ck?
Are you f*cking serious?
The worst part is, the city listened to him and granted amnesty for violators of the law. Thanks again, spineless city hall! There are alot of people who can hardly afford their cars as it is, much less the 1000 dollar deductible that they will probably have to shell out to replace their tires without their insurance rates going up. How will these people be reimbursed? Why the hell should violators of the law not be prosecuted? Wow, I sound like my grandfather (a lawyer, who coincidentally was involved in Torontonian politics many years ago). I think if Mr. Ferguson's tires were slashed by an angry Torontonian, his attitude would change, not that I'm advocating that type of vigilante justice, because I'm not. I just think he's needs a paradigm shift. The fact that he was so smug about helping those workers avoid termination for BREAKING THE LAW also perturbs me in ways that I couldn't do justice to on paper.
I think we, as a city, have a lot to think about when it comes to who represents both our major unions, and our city as a whole.
About two months ago, for those of you who don't know, there was a civic workers' strike in the city. This walk-out effectively closed day-cares, swimming pools, and halted other city run services, including garbage collection. We could sit here all day and argue about the legitimacy (or lack thereof depending on your stance) of what the strikers wanted, but in the end there can really be no true consensus, just by the very nature of the negotiations; the unions wanted certain things that the city did not want to give them.
Sure, battles of rhetoric and childish name-calling are to be expected in these sorts of situations, but I can't help but feel a little disgusted by the extent to which these elements were used by our very own Mayor Miller (not that my expectations were that high to begin with, oh snap). To insult city councilors who disagreed with his push to ratify the deal with the workers, and hint that they are sub-standard councilors who lack any shred of human decency, and are undeserving of their positions is an appalling commentary on the state of how business is (likely) conducted by the city on a day to day basis. My five year old cousin can tell you he disagrees with you without insulting your dignity. Maybe he should be mayor. I'll tell you one thing, McDonald's happy meals would be a dietary requirement. Works for me...
Now we get to the fun stuff. Mark Ferguson.
This union leader, on top of rather conspicuously bragging about the deal that was struck with the city, made one particular comment that makes me want to scream. When several striking individuals got a little trigger-happy and slashed the tires of innocent people who were dropping their garbage off at temporary dump sites, all Mr. Ferguson had to say, with an arrogant smirk was "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."
What the f*ck?
Are you f*cking serious?
The worst part is, the city listened to him and granted amnesty for violators of the law. Thanks again, spineless city hall! There are alot of people who can hardly afford their cars as it is, much less the 1000 dollar deductible that they will probably have to shell out to replace their tires without their insurance rates going up. How will these people be reimbursed? Why the hell should violators of the law not be prosecuted? Wow, I sound like my grandfather (a lawyer, who coincidentally was involved in Torontonian politics many years ago). I think if Mr. Ferguson's tires were slashed by an angry Torontonian, his attitude would change, not that I'm advocating that type of vigilante justice, because I'm not. I just think he's needs a paradigm shift. The fact that he was so smug about helping those workers avoid termination for BREAKING THE LAW also perturbs me in ways that I couldn't do justice to on paper.
I think we, as a city, have a lot to think about when it comes to who represents both our major unions, and our city as a whole.
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